About Me Cellular Automata Java
Aikido Music Teaching Games
Chess Humor Bioinformatics Gif89a
Helicopter Poetry Encryption Links

Seuss
Parodies
Bits in Bytes
Grinch OO Coder
Lunch
Star Trek
The Bible
Dante's Inferno
Purity Test
O.J. Trial
Green Eggs and Pork
Computer Manual
USville
Wedding
Other
Parodies
404
Beatles
Bobbit
Clinton
Favorite Things
Ham Xmas
ICBM Pizza
Net Is Slow
PC Xmas
Poe
Prayer
Queen
Sermon
Song
Song Tests
Thermo
Twas
Unified
Unix abc
Warnings
Santa's Unix Listing
Millenium Pie
M$ TV Dinners
Other
Humor
Cartoons
One Liners
Administratium
Bad spec
daemon OS
Days off
Dead horse
Dosfish
FAA report
GM helpline
Family tree
Strapping
H2O
Haiku
Harvard
Job
Koans
Loan
Memos
Money
Moron
MS
Accidents
Navy
Phrases
Plan
The Project
Anything
SysAdmin Woes
Thesis
Contamination Warning!

Recently, it has been discovered that our water system has been contaminated with a hazardous chemical. This chemical is colorless, odorless, tasteless, and dissolves completely in water. No action has been taken regarding this dangerous contamination. This substance is dihydrogen monoxide, and has the following properties:

  • It is used as in industrial solvent and coolant, and is used in the production of styrofoam.
  • It is used in many forms of animal research.
  • It is used in the distribution of deadly pesticides.
  • It is an integral part of the operation of nuclear power plants.
  • It accelerates corrosion and rusting.
  • It contributes to the erosion of our natural landscape.
  • Inhalation of the substance has been shown to cause death.
  • In certain forms, this chemical can cause severe burns, cloud the atmosphere, and may contribute to the "greenhouse effect". It can also damage concrete and glass, as well as the surfaces or roadways. It may also be related to electrical failures, and decreased effectiveness of automobile brakes.
  • It may have been a factor in the destruction of the Space Shuttle "Challenger".
  • It has been directly linked to thousands of deaths in third-world countries, especially those which do not have the resources to properly deal with the threat, or treat people who have come into contact with it.
  • Quantities of this substance have been found in our rivers, lakes, streams, oceans, reservoirs, and now our local water system. It has also permeated the atmosphere, and has contaminated ground water.
  • No current form of water purification can completely eliminate the deadly substance.
  • Our government has spent millions of dollars in an attempt to control and contain this dangerous chemical.
  • Every day, hundreds of secret research facilities receive tons of it through a highly sophisticated underground distribution network. Many store quantities for later use.
  • Several government agencies are tracking the degree of contamination throughout the world.
  • This administration has not dealt with the problem or production, distribution, and use of the damaging chemical, possibly due to the importance to the "economic health of the nation".

Act _now_ to prevent further contamination. Find our more about this dangerous chemical. What you don't know CAN hurt you, and others throughout the world.


jde@acm.org Last modified 312 weeks 6 days 4 hours 2 minutes ago.